I have lost count of the days
Sitting here at Carolina rehab thinking through all this. So many questions come in my mind. Brain injuries are tough, just like every brain is different and everyone learns differently. So it is with brain injuries as well, everyone heals differently. Dealing with the healing process is hard. No one can tell you what to expect or what is really happening with the patient. Its a guessing game. Always a guessing game. They cant tell us how long this roller coaster ride is gonna last. How long we will cry ourselves to sleep at night seeing our boys injury like this.
I will not share all that's going on because i know my son and i do not want him to read these things and be embarrassed or ashamed of things. We know its the brain injury and not really him. We know he does not know what he is doing. We know he has so many meds in his system that the "real", "old" Tyler is not who we see. We know the sweet quiet Tyler. We know the funny Tyler and see times of him who make us laugh so hard we cry. Trust me we have laughed so much during the day with the things Tyler has said.
Brain injuries have their way especially frontal injuries, to take a person's personality and completely explode it. They also take a person and change them. The charge nurse was telling us he has had pastors who never spoke a cuss word in their life, be in an accident and injured the front part of their brain and during recovery are shouting profanities like crazy. Brain injuries change who the person is during recovery.
We are told over and over this is the process. He will recover. He may have some different ways but he will recover. I cant help but question what this recovery will be like or how long will this recovery take. Recovery pulls on the heart strings. Recovery calls us to completely depend on the Lord. Recovery brings us to the end of ourselves and makes us allow Christ to carry us through the rest of the day and then trust and know the Lords mercies renew every morning. The mercy that the tears come through the night and joy comes in the morning. Honestly, this is our life right now.
We know people want to come see Tyler and we know so many people love him. Its hard to tell family no. We want to support Tyler's recovery. He needs to be fully charged for his therapy. He needs to get sleep, rest, and take his meds. Right now his schedule is so messed up we can't get him to sleep at night and be up during the day. Right now therapy is a minimum because he is so sleepy. He does not remember he was in an accident and is in a hospital. When he does remember he is in the hospital he thinks its because he is visiting someone. Rehab thinks until we can get his schedule straight and his therapies going we can only have the 3 of us to keep a constant in his life.
Until he is ready for visitors please we beg you , Go to the Lord in prayer. In complete surrender on our son's behalf. Please don't stop praying for his recovery, for his schedule to help him recover, for his brain to respond to therapy. For Chris, Ashley, and I to depend on the Lord and know He is sovereign, He loves Tyler more than we do and for us to seek rejuge under His wings. We are holding fast to the Lords promises. Pray we would not allow ourselves to enter the pool of "what ifs". Please pray for Gods hand of protection over our boy.
And yet while holding fast to the Lord the tears are falling. Tears of joy and laughter at times and tears of pain. Tears of witnessing someone you love hurting. Tears of the unknown and of not having answers.
I do know God will use this, He will use us in this. I already feel the compassion of being there for anyone who may go through something similar. Stroke victums, any brain injury. Brain injuries are rough on the family.
Yes, i share my heart the struggle is real but my feet are planted in the truths of the gospel and it is the only comfort to know God loves my boy way more than i do and if my heart breaks this much then His is too and He knows the end of the story and He is crying out to me - HOLD FAST AND HOLD ON TIGHT BECAUSE IT IS I AND I ALONE WHO IS CARING YOU THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT TIME. YOU ARE MY CHILDREN AND I KNOW THE NUMBER OF HAIRS ON YOUR HEAD!
SELAH
I will not share all that's going on because i know my son and i do not want him to read these things and be embarrassed or ashamed of things. We know its the brain injury and not really him. We know he does not know what he is doing. We know he has so many meds in his system that the "real", "old" Tyler is not who we see. We know the sweet quiet Tyler. We know the funny Tyler and see times of him who make us laugh so hard we cry. Trust me we have laughed so much during the day with the things Tyler has said.
Brain injuries have their way especially frontal injuries, to take a person's personality and completely explode it. They also take a person and change them. The charge nurse was telling us he has had pastors who never spoke a cuss word in their life, be in an accident and injured the front part of their brain and during recovery are shouting profanities like crazy. Brain injuries change who the person is during recovery.
We are told over and over this is the process. He will recover. He may have some different ways but he will recover. I cant help but question what this recovery will be like or how long will this recovery take. Recovery pulls on the heart strings. Recovery calls us to completely depend on the Lord. Recovery brings us to the end of ourselves and makes us allow Christ to carry us through the rest of the day and then trust and know the Lords mercies renew every morning. The mercy that the tears come through the night and joy comes in the morning. Honestly, this is our life right now.
We know people want to come see Tyler and we know so many people love him. Its hard to tell family no. We want to support Tyler's recovery. He needs to be fully charged for his therapy. He needs to get sleep, rest, and take his meds. Right now his schedule is so messed up we can't get him to sleep at night and be up during the day. Right now therapy is a minimum because he is so sleepy. He does not remember he was in an accident and is in a hospital. When he does remember he is in the hospital he thinks its because he is visiting someone. Rehab thinks until we can get his schedule straight and his therapies going we can only have the 3 of us to keep a constant in his life.
Until he is ready for visitors please we beg you , Go to the Lord in prayer. In complete surrender on our son's behalf. Please don't stop praying for his recovery, for his schedule to help him recover, for his brain to respond to therapy. For Chris, Ashley, and I to depend on the Lord and know He is sovereign, He loves Tyler more than we do and for us to seek rejuge under His wings. We are holding fast to the Lords promises. Pray we would not allow ourselves to enter the pool of "what ifs". Please pray for Gods hand of protection over our boy.
And yet while holding fast to the Lord the tears are falling. Tears of joy and laughter at times and tears of pain. Tears of witnessing someone you love hurting. Tears of the unknown and of not having answers.
I do know God will use this, He will use us in this. I already feel the compassion of being there for anyone who may go through something similar. Stroke victums, any brain injury. Brain injuries are rough on the family.
Yes, i share my heart the struggle is real but my feet are planted in the truths of the gospel and it is the only comfort to know God loves my boy way more than i do and if my heart breaks this much then His is too and He knows the end of the story and He is crying out to me - HOLD FAST AND HOLD ON TIGHT BECAUSE IT IS I AND I ALONE WHO IS CARING YOU THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT TIME. YOU ARE MY CHILDREN AND I KNOW THE NUMBER OF HAIRS ON YOUR HEAD!
SELAH
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