Things are not as they appear.
I recently spent some time with my childhood friend and her daughter. Time together got me thinking things really aren't what they appear. People are not what they appear. This goes both good and bad, ever meet someone to find out they just went through something terrible and yet they seem happy go lucky?? Ever talk to someone who seems so happy and you find out days later they faked it the whole time. How about someone who seems sad and you find out something wonderful just happened to them? I get that we don't feel the need to air all our ugly laundry, that we keep things secret.
Well, time with my friend made me think about kids and the things they do. The things that happened to me- I remember being in 4th or 5th grade and falling off a piece of equipment on the playground. The teachers thought I broke my arm so they called my mom to come pick me up. I went to the doctor and when the x-ray came back it showed I bruised my bone. I had to wear a sling for the next little bit. I was actually quite proud of that sling, until I went to school the next day!! I was teased, called a "faker" and decided not to wear the sling again. I never grew out of being called a "faker" from the kids I went to school with. I was so embarrassed. I really tried to get away from that name and yet it followed for many years.
I think about my friends daughter, who looks perfectly healthy no one would think she is sick. It breaks my heart to even think how while she is beautiful on the outside there is a nasty ugly thing inside of her eating away! I am also so amazed by the way my friend and her daughter are facing life. They have everything to be upset, sulking, and totally down cast and yet when we were together we laughed and told stories of time together. She was my best friend who was there always. Even when it had been years we would pick up the phone and talk as if we saw each other every day!! She was that friend that when she got her license she came over, and soon after I got mine I drove to her house. We lived almost 30 mins apart. We did not really hang with the same friends but we always thought of each other as our "BFF".
She was the one who moved me 1000 miles away and saw it as a journey and not loosing a friend. There were years, I am not proud of, that we did not talk. Those years are so painful for me to think of. I was so prideful, so one minded. Even through those years (which I wish I could take back) I thought of her so much!
Seeing her now, seeing how strong and grace-filled she is makes me want just a little more time with her. I want to be at her side and walk her days with her. I have learned a lot from her the past 4 years! She has withstood hurricanes in her life. She has faced so much and yet talk to her for a day and you would never know! She has faced more challenges than most people do in a lifetime in just the last 4 years. She is not God but the fruit of grace is hard to miss!
Now her daughter is a true mini me! That girl has determination that I remember in her mother when she was that young. She looks amazing to the uneducated eye. She reminds me of my story in the fact that from the outside she looks fine when in truth the inside is not healthy. My bruised bone is nothing compared to what she is going through but I think the same thing. How many people see her sitting on a scooter or missing school and think there is nothing wrong with her? How many people walk by her and throw judgment? How many times do I judge others based on their looks? We all have a story, do I stop and listen to someone elses or do I judge?
I think of the time I had with my dad before he passed and for months I saw his outside showing what was going on with his inside. I know my friend can look at her daughter and see the changes. Yet, we only know the changes if we know the person.
I think about how Jesus was run out of his own town. How we should see those that are close by us and see the changes and yet the ones closest to us have the hardest time accepting who we have become. The ones closest to us are also the hardest to tell things to.
As I come back to my world this week I find myself wondering to thoughts of my friend, her daughter, my dad, my sweet pea, my mistakes in life and I feel the tears well up in my eyes. Then there are those times when I feel the tears well up and I don't know why and all those thoughts flood my mind and I have to stop because I am sobbing. There are songs I hear and stories I read and things I hear on the radio and the tears flow. I find myself up at night and the tears are there. I have been overly emotional this week and when I wonder why I cannot place it. I have wanted time alone with God this week to cry and sit in His arms. In a sea of family I have felt so alone and on another planet.
I think this is the work God does in my life to draw me to get my identity from Him. I was walking today and all I could think was "I need you, oh I need you" and "My God He was, My God He is, My God forever He will be". One verse after another and song after song about how much I need Him. I wanted nothing more than to totally check out of my world and sit at His feet. To know I am nothing without Him! He is my Rock and My strong tower. Christ died so I could live, even when things do not feel "fair" He is sovereign. I need to remind myself when I feel emotional not to expect those around me to read my thoughts to know when I am off and be extra tender. Yet, I expect people to notice and get more upset when they don't.
This world is not as it seems!! People are not as they seem.!! Some people very close may be going through some really tough stuff and appear as if all is good!
Christ is my everything! I have nothing to offer but filthy rags, only He in His grace of the cross turns them whiter than snow!!
Well, time with my friend made me think about kids and the things they do. The things that happened to me- I remember being in 4th or 5th grade and falling off a piece of equipment on the playground. The teachers thought I broke my arm so they called my mom to come pick me up. I went to the doctor and when the x-ray came back it showed I bruised my bone. I had to wear a sling for the next little bit. I was actually quite proud of that sling, until I went to school the next day!! I was teased, called a "faker" and decided not to wear the sling again. I never grew out of being called a "faker" from the kids I went to school with. I was so embarrassed. I really tried to get away from that name and yet it followed for many years.
I think about my friends daughter, who looks perfectly healthy no one would think she is sick. It breaks my heart to even think how while she is beautiful on the outside there is a nasty ugly thing inside of her eating away! I am also so amazed by the way my friend and her daughter are facing life. They have everything to be upset, sulking, and totally down cast and yet when we were together we laughed and told stories of time together. She was my best friend who was there always. Even when it had been years we would pick up the phone and talk as if we saw each other every day!! She was that friend that when she got her license she came over, and soon after I got mine I drove to her house. We lived almost 30 mins apart. We did not really hang with the same friends but we always thought of each other as our "BFF".
She was the one who moved me 1000 miles away and saw it as a journey and not loosing a friend. There were years, I am not proud of, that we did not talk. Those years are so painful for me to think of. I was so prideful, so one minded. Even through those years (which I wish I could take back) I thought of her so much!
Seeing her now, seeing how strong and grace-filled she is makes me want just a little more time with her. I want to be at her side and walk her days with her. I have learned a lot from her the past 4 years! She has withstood hurricanes in her life. She has faced so much and yet talk to her for a day and you would never know! She has faced more challenges than most people do in a lifetime in just the last 4 years. She is not God but the fruit of grace is hard to miss!
Now her daughter is a true mini me! That girl has determination that I remember in her mother when she was that young. She looks amazing to the uneducated eye. She reminds me of my story in the fact that from the outside she looks fine when in truth the inside is not healthy. My bruised bone is nothing compared to what she is going through but I think the same thing. How many people see her sitting on a scooter or missing school and think there is nothing wrong with her? How many people walk by her and throw judgment? How many times do I judge others based on their looks? We all have a story, do I stop and listen to someone elses or do I judge?
I think of the time I had with my dad before he passed and for months I saw his outside showing what was going on with his inside. I know my friend can look at her daughter and see the changes. Yet, we only know the changes if we know the person.
I think about how Jesus was run out of his own town. How we should see those that are close by us and see the changes and yet the ones closest to us have the hardest time accepting who we have become. The ones closest to us are also the hardest to tell things to.
As I come back to my world this week I find myself wondering to thoughts of my friend, her daughter, my dad, my sweet pea, my mistakes in life and I feel the tears well up in my eyes. Then there are those times when I feel the tears well up and I don't know why and all those thoughts flood my mind and I have to stop because I am sobbing. There are songs I hear and stories I read and things I hear on the radio and the tears flow. I find myself up at night and the tears are there. I have been overly emotional this week and when I wonder why I cannot place it. I have wanted time alone with God this week to cry and sit in His arms. In a sea of family I have felt so alone and on another planet.
I think this is the work God does in my life to draw me to get my identity from Him. I was walking today and all I could think was "I need you, oh I need you" and "My God He was, My God He is, My God forever He will be". One verse after another and song after song about how much I need Him. I wanted nothing more than to totally check out of my world and sit at His feet. To know I am nothing without Him! He is my Rock and My strong tower. Christ died so I could live, even when things do not feel "fair" He is sovereign. I need to remind myself when I feel emotional not to expect those around me to read my thoughts to know when I am off and be extra tender. Yet, I expect people to notice and get more upset when they don't.
This world is not as it seems!! People are not as they seem.!! Some people very close may be going through some really tough stuff and appear as if all is good!
Christ is my everything! I have nothing to offer but filthy rags, only He in His grace of the cross turns them whiter than snow!!
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