12 years ago!!
Twelve years ago my boys gained another little sister! Twelve years ago my baby gained a big sis! Twelve years ago is the day now referred to as "gotcha day".
oh how I loved this sweet little girl! How I dreamed of all the amazing adventures we would be on together!! How I loved being a momma of 4!!
Twelve years ago was also the day HCA broke ground on the building they now call home. I look back and cannot imagine my kids going any place else! Twelve years ago at the ribbon ceremony we introduced Alanis Lee "Allee" to some of her new friends. Some of those she graduated with! Ground breaking and a new life beginning. Allee was so excited and loving. I remember calling her "monkey" because she was always on my hip. She would run and jump for me to catch her and she would hold on for dear life. I loved having her wrap her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck and she would squeeze. To the point of oh my!
We spent that first weekend setting up her room just the way she wanted it.
I honestly could go on and on about that weekend. This picture was from Sunday Morning. The first Sunday we went to church together as a family.
As the years have passed I have often thought about those first days, months, years and have asked myself - "would you do it again??" the answer is always a quick "Oh Yeah!" followed by "I would do things so differently". I was were God had me. I was only able to give what God had given me. At that Time I thought I was so much farther than where I really was! I was so not like Him. I was so dead in my sin with the light of the cross. A baby follower of Christ could not love like a true follower. I was so filled with pride. I was getting by. I feel like because of so much outside the home I could not be who I needed to inside the home. I was so warn out and yet did not know it. I was so fragile I broke at the smallest piece of rock.
I will be honest adoption is hard! Adoption is NOT for the weak. I was weak! Through an adoptive kids life you try to prepare yourself for when they grow up and yet I don't believe you can ever be totally prepared.
I love you sweet pea! I love you more than you know. I am honored to have had you the last 12 years, but I am not gonna lie, You being gone is so hard!
I choose to focus on the positive. I choose to let go and let God work on hearts!
Twelve years ago I would of never imagined life would turn out as it has! I thought I knew the future and knew how things would work out. I was so wrong! Twelve years ago changed my life! God did some painful pruning to me in the last twelve years!
I praise God for not leaving me where I was and growing me into who I am today. I am still a broken mess. I am still such a prideful, sinful, and death deserving woman BUT God has saved me from myself. I am brought to tears every time I think of the price Christ paid for my sin! How He took my place so I could be clean.
Twelve years ago a child was born of my heart and no matter what happens in life she will ALWAYS be my sweet pea! I will always call her my daughter!
I keep this picture in my dinning room and remember that time probably way more than I should.
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