If those I love arent good enough why does it hurt?

 So many times we feel we don't measure up.  We think someone else's expectations are unreachable.  I too fall in this pit. I will never be a good enough wife,  mother,  daughter,  sister or friend. I will never be skinny enough,  fast enough,  pretty enough.  I will never be holy enough.  

I think all these thoughts of me and then i hear from those I love that they don't think they will  ever  be good enough for me.  If this is true and they can't hold my bar,  would i cry at the thought of it?  Would i go into a state of mind of complete sadness?  Would i be so heart broken i can't eat,  think,  and sometimes move? 

Why does loving someone so much hurt?  Why do words hurt so bad? 

Jesus came not for the healthy but the sick.  He should be my measuring stick,  so why do i let others be my stick?  Jesus is the only way to turn a heart of stone to a heart of flesh.  

Why do i take others words so strong?  I have been told because i am too relationship focused.  Jesus is the King of relationships isn't He?  My battle has been a long lived battle of not measuring up to others.  This is why i miss out on friendships.  I have focused for a few years on who God says I am. I know my identity must come from Him! Being His daughter is most important,  when that relationship is right, others are suppose to fall into place.  Right?  

So why do i find myself falling back into desiring relationships so bad it hurts?  Why do words hurt so bad?  Why do looks hurt so bad?  Why does rejection hurt so bad?  

I want to be a good listener.  I want to hear others hearts.  I want to know when they are hurting.  I want others to know I love and care for them deeply.  I want my hubby to know he is my rock and my emotional stability.  I want my kids to know i will forever love them.  They are each so different and have accomplished so much in their own way.  I want them to know i am always here for them.  There is nothing they could ever do to make me love them more or love them less.  They are my pride and joy!! They are my earthly treasure.  

I pray when the Lord takes me home He will say "well done my God and faithful servant.  I am well pleased"

Until then i will cry out for His help,  for His guidance,  for His words to wash over me.  

I am a wrenched sinner washed in the blood of the lamb.  I don't measure up without Him.  I have nothing good in me,  unless it's Him.  For i know the heart is wicked and cannot be trusted.  

I must not fear. I stand in sin when i do.  For what can mere man do to me?  

Lord,  I pray you will wash me in Your truth and grace tonight.  Comfort me in my heartache.  Comfort me in my tears and pain.  

On Christ the solid rock i stand all other ground is sinking sand!! 

In Christ alone my hope is found!!