New Year begins
New Years is a time most people celebrate by parties and fun. New Years has become for me a day like any other day. It does not seem like it is any different day. It is a symbol of a new beginning. A day of resolutions of stuff we want to do or be better at this following year. New years is a day the gyms love! They get overloaded with new people who after a couple weeks they don't see anymore yet continue to collect that money due. New Years is a day the hospitals are over loaded.
Last year we went to bed early and got up early on New Years Day. It was a day like any other because we were at a volleyball tourney and had games bright and early. This year we finished our tourney on Sunday afternoon and drove back to Charlotte. We watched a movie after dinner and crashed!!! I was thankful! I needed sleep. I needed to be back close to Tyler and having Carmen beside me made it better!! Dinner all together was the cherry on top!
Funny how this situation in our lives has made me even more excited to have family around. I miss when family is not close. I hate not seeing my kids daily! I miss not having my kids around! So last night getting to see Tyler and then going to dinner with Kyle, Carmen, Katelyn, Ashley, and hubby! That was awesome!! I miss Allee not being here. I miss seeing her.
I struggled all weekend with being so torn between my kids. I wanted and enjoyed being at Carmen's tourney yet felt guilt that I left here. I gave myself a pep talk all weekend. Funny how our mind can sit and condemn us, prey on where we struggle. I am excited to be with Carmen and when it is just the two of us hanging out I know I needed time with my girl. I need time with my kids- to love on them and get to know who they are, see their heart. Yet, when someone says "I am so excited you are here, what a surprise! I did not think you would be here!" My mind can switch from this sweet loving statement to should I not be here? Was this a mistake? Am I betraying my son by coming this weekend? Am I selfish for wanting to be a volleyball mom this weekend? My pain even made me do something I did not want to do. I shared with someone in a wrong way what was going on in our life, someone who had no clue. Instead of being loving and kind to this person I in my pain talked about my difficulty.
I read all the updates on our Tyler document all weekend and fought the internal battle of where I should of been. I talked myself out of tears many times this weekend reassuring myself that Kyle needed this special time with his brother. Kyle came to Rehab and hung out with Tyler Saturday and Sunday the hours I normally would be here. I would read the notes and pray for Tyler - he had some reactions to the medications. He has a couple of nights complained of headaches and or nauseous feelings. Each time the nurse comes in takes his vitals. All seems well. The night he was nauseous he was hot, the nurse came in and he was not running a temp so she gave him another med for nauseousness and he went to sleep. On Saturday he was having another reaction to meds this time it was muscle spasms. Ashley was very concerned thinking he may be having a seizure. That night while Chris was with him they started again. The nurse had contacted the doctor and again no worries just reactions to meds. Seriously? Uggg!!! Sunday was the stomach starting and not feeling well. Tyler did his therapy only this time in his room and low key instead of going to the gym for something fun.
This truly is a roller coaster that brings many ups and downs and twists and turns. I fought all weekend in the times away and in the quietness of my heart replaying all this last 35 days has been. I lay down to sleep and I see Tyler day one and begin to relive it all. I sit in the room waiting on Carmen in the shower and my mind goes to flashes of times with Tyler and I worry about how he's doing and then the guilt of being with Carmen away from Tyler, away from Chris. That's when I could not stop the tears! Sunday I decided to take time when not watching my girl playing to step away, step away from people and not answer questions and not get advise. Then I feel guilty because people care, they love us! We have seen the support. My family has not gone needed, they have been feed well. This is not over! We still have a long road ahead of us!!
With all of this please pray - Please pray for healing for Tyler, for comprehension for Tyler, for no more reactions to meds! For him to hit his goals and us to be able to go home soon. (Side note- with this being New Years, deductibles begin again. We start all over with out of pocket maxes) Pray when he comes home we know the right things to do. Please pray for our schedules when he comes home. Ashley goes back to school. I have to go to work and get bills paid and accounts settled, at home too. Kyle and Carmen go back to school and Allee works full time so we need to organize our schedules so we can do all these things and still have someone with Tyler 24/7. It's not that we can't, it's scheduling it!! Pray we can schedule that works this is a lot of people to coordinate with! Pray for Tyler to adjust to life at home. Pray for my moms travels as she comes in the next couple of weeks! Pray for all the moving parts and like a clock they all fit together and run smoothly!!!
Thank you for your continued prayers and support. We love you all!
Last year we went to bed early and got up early on New Years Day. It was a day like any other because we were at a volleyball tourney and had games bright and early. This year we finished our tourney on Sunday afternoon and drove back to Charlotte. We watched a movie after dinner and crashed!!! I was thankful! I needed sleep. I needed to be back close to Tyler and having Carmen beside me made it better!! Dinner all together was the cherry on top!
Funny how this situation in our lives has made me even more excited to have family around. I miss when family is not close. I hate not seeing my kids daily! I miss not having my kids around! So last night getting to see Tyler and then going to dinner with Kyle, Carmen, Katelyn, Ashley, and hubby! That was awesome!! I miss Allee not being here. I miss seeing her.
I struggled all weekend with being so torn between my kids. I wanted and enjoyed being at Carmen's tourney yet felt guilt that I left here. I gave myself a pep talk all weekend. Funny how our mind can sit and condemn us, prey on where we struggle. I am excited to be with Carmen and when it is just the two of us hanging out I know I needed time with my girl. I need time with my kids- to love on them and get to know who they are, see their heart. Yet, when someone says "I am so excited you are here, what a surprise! I did not think you would be here!" My mind can switch from this sweet loving statement to should I not be here? Was this a mistake? Am I betraying my son by coming this weekend? Am I selfish for wanting to be a volleyball mom this weekend? My pain even made me do something I did not want to do. I shared with someone in a wrong way what was going on in our life, someone who had no clue. Instead of being loving and kind to this person I in my pain talked about my difficulty.
Romans 8:1New American Standard Bible (NASB)
8 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Isaiah 40:29New American Standard Bible (NASB)
29 He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
1 Chronicles 16:11New American Standard Bible (NASB)
11 Seek the Lord and His strength;
I read all the updates on our Tyler document all weekend and fought the internal battle of where I should of been. I talked myself out of tears many times this weekend reassuring myself that Kyle needed this special time with his brother. Kyle came to Rehab and hung out with Tyler Saturday and Sunday the hours I normally would be here. I would read the notes and pray for Tyler - he had some reactions to the medications. He has a couple of nights complained of headaches and or nauseous feelings. Each time the nurse comes in takes his vitals. All seems well. The night he was nauseous he was hot, the nurse came in and he was not running a temp so she gave him another med for nauseousness and he went to sleep. On Saturday he was having another reaction to meds this time it was muscle spasms. Ashley was very concerned thinking he may be having a seizure. That night while Chris was with him they started again. The nurse had contacted the doctor and again no worries just reactions to meds. Seriously? Uggg!!! Sunday was the stomach starting and not feeling well. Tyler did his therapy only this time in his room and low key instead of going to the gym for something fun.
This truly is a roller coaster that brings many ups and downs and twists and turns. I fought all weekend in the times away and in the quietness of my heart replaying all this last 35 days has been. I lay down to sleep and I see Tyler day one and begin to relive it all. I sit in the room waiting on Carmen in the shower and my mind goes to flashes of times with Tyler and I worry about how he's doing and then the guilt of being with Carmen away from Tyler, away from Chris. That's when I could not stop the tears! Sunday I decided to take time when not watching my girl playing to step away, step away from people and not answer questions and not get advise. Then I feel guilty because people care, they love us! We have seen the support. My family has not gone needed, they have been feed well. This is not over! We still have a long road ahead of us!!
With all of this please pray - Please pray for healing for Tyler, for comprehension for Tyler, for no more reactions to meds! For him to hit his goals and us to be able to go home soon. (Side note- with this being New Years, deductibles begin again. We start all over with out of pocket maxes) Pray when he comes home we know the right things to do. Please pray for our schedules when he comes home. Ashley goes back to school. I have to go to work and get bills paid and accounts settled, at home too. Kyle and Carmen go back to school and Allee works full time so we need to organize our schedules so we can do all these things and still have someone with Tyler 24/7. It's not that we can't, it's scheduling it!! Pray we can schedule that works this is a lot of people to coordinate with! Pray for Tyler to adjust to life at home. Pray for my moms travels as she comes in the next couple of weeks! Pray for all the moving parts and like a clock they all fit together and run smoothly!!!
Thank you for your continued prayers and support. We love you all!
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