Reflection
I sit here at the hospitality house I reflect on the day and days. The last four days have really been surreal. I keep thinking i am going to wake up and this will be just a bad dream. I wake up and my boy is tucked in his bed.
So many things i want to tell him. So many things i want to seek his forgiveness for. So many times i could of been nicer, more gentle, more understanding, more loving. The list really goes on.
I remember a song "you don`t know what you got til its gone". I think you don`t know what you got til something happens to it. I remember when Tyler started driving, it may have been something i heard from Lysa TerKurst, i told my kids they do not ever leave the house without giving me a hug. Well Friday night Tyler was heading to Ashley`s house i went for a walk with Pam. As we were coming back Tyler was getting in his car. I remember telling him it was perfect timing and ran up and gave him a hug. I thank God he allowed that timing. That seems so long ago and yet it seems like yesterday. I remember thinking on Thanksgiving how awesome it was having all kids back together for a holiday. Thinking too how it had been 2 years since us and the Kaminski's have ALL been together. We have seen the Kaminski's but someone has been missing.
Today has been a good day ,my idea of good has changed. Yesterday was tough. My boy is an Ox! He is so darn strong. This is really my concern. He is so strong and so determined it may hurt him. It will help him too. He needs prayer in this way. Yesterday was traumatic my boy with 3 nurses pulled his ventilator out of his mouth. Then the rest of the day his strength was proven over and over. He is so strong that the worry is his safety. He was sedated for his safety a couple times. He is restless, he hates having stuff on him and in him. He can't stand it when he is healthy of course he would fight it when he is out of it. Of course all this is good, it shows healing. He is confused and hates being restrained. He can wiggle his way around to get his feet to his hands and try to pull the restraints off his hands. I believe he has pulled on the restraints enough to rip them. My boy is a powerhouse. He is as we have always said nothing but muscle.
They are changing up his meds to help. They say allot of the restlessness and fight reflex is from pain, so they are changing his meds from being more sedative to more pain meds and anxiety meds. This should help hopefully. Prayer request there. He received a feeding tube today, that was traumatic. I think adding the second part was even more traumatic, adding the part to hold the tube, a brace that goes around the septum.
Couple funny things today - they were getting ready to try for the third or more times to do the brace. One of the ladies said to another lady "say a prayer". Tyler looks at the lady and says "no, church lady" as she tells him what she's doing. She says "he doesn't know my life". We laughed. We think because she said say a prayer she must be a church lady.
I was standing by his bed and he says "mom mom come here"
I say "yes Tyler"
he says "give me your hand"
So i grab his hand he pushes it to his face and spits in my hand. He tells us he's spitting out his teeth.
My boy has such a sense of humor. It is nice to see some of the old Tyler in things he says.
Its a daily fight to watch someone you love in pain. I cannot fathom how Christ sent His son to suffer. It is so hard to see your son suffer, i hold tight to the promises of scripture. That God does all things for His good. What does God have in store for this situation? How will this be used for Gods good and His glory? I know God does not cause bad things to happen, He did for Job, well no He did not cause bad things for Job He did allow them. I know we are not suppose to ask "why?" But instead "why not?" Honestly i am asking why, could there not be a different way?
I am so thankful Ashley is here, and part of the family. She is a care partner who has done way more than most 20yr olds would do. I guess after being with Tyler for 6yrs she is part of the family. It feels weird to introduce her as Tyler's girl friend after the last four days. They seem like months. I feel like girlfriend is a down grade for all she has done and all the love and care we have had together. We have had some intimate times. What a blessing sent by God.
So as i think to today i am thankful for God's faithfulness, love, mercy and strength. Please don't think for one minute that buckets of tears have not been shed. Don't think for a moment i am walking around all smiles. This is hard because love is hard. No greater love than this, that one lay down his life for another- John 15:13.
Tomorrow is a new day and new mercies.
Please pray for healing, for rest (all of us), strength, patience, and most of all contentment with the place the Lord has for us! Its not easy but God has us here for a reason. This i know.
So many things i want to tell him. So many things i want to seek his forgiveness for. So many times i could of been nicer, more gentle, more understanding, more loving. The list really goes on.
I remember a song "you don`t know what you got til its gone". I think you don`t know what you got til something happens to it. I remember when Tyler started driving, it may have been something i heard from Lysa TerKurst, i told my kids they do not ever leave the house without giving me a hug. Well Friday night Tyler was heading to Ashley`s house i went for a walk with Pam. As we were coming back Tyler was getting in his car. I remember telling him it was perfect timing and ran up and gave him a hug. I thank God he allowed that timing. That seems so long ago and yet it seems like yesterday. I remember thinking on Thanksgiving how awesome it was having all kids back together for a holiday. Thinking too how it had been 2 years since us and the Kaminski's have ALL been together. We have seen the Kaminski's but someone has been missing.
Today has been a good day ,my idea of good has changed. Yesterday was tough. My boy is an Ox! He is so darn strong. This is really my concern. He is so strong and so determined it may hurt him. It will help him too. He needs prayer in this way. Yesterday was traumatic my boy with 3 nurses pulled his ventilator out of his mouth. Then the rest of the day his strength was proven over and over. He is so strong that the worry is his safety. He was sedated for his safety a couple times. He is restless, he hates having stuff on him and in him. He can't stand it when he is healthy of course he would fight it when he is out of it. Of course all this is good, it shows healing. He is confused and hates being restrained. He can wiggle his way around to get his feet to his hands and try to pull the restraints off his hands. I believe he has pulled on the restraints enough to rip them. My boy is a powerhouse. He is as we have always said nothing but muscle.
They are changing up his meds to help. They say allot of the restlessness and fight reflex is from pain, so they are changing his meds from being more sedative to more pain meds and anxiety meds. This should help hopefully. Prayer request there. He received a feeding tube today, that was traumatic. I think adding the second part was even more traumatic, adding the part to hold the tube, a brace that goes around the septum.
Couple funny things today - they were getting ready to try for the third or more times to do the brace. One of the ladies said to another lady "say a prayer". Tyler looks at the lady and says "no, church lady" as she tells him what she's doing. She says "he doesn't know my life". We laughed. We think because she said say a prayer she must be a church lady.
I was standing by his bed and he says "mom mom come here"
I say "yes Tyler"
he says "give me your hand"
So i grab his hand he pushes it to his face and spits in my hand. He tells us he's spitting out his teeth.
My boy has such a sense of humor. It is nice to see some of the old Tyler in things he says.
Its a daily fight to watch someone you love in pain. I cannot fathom how Christ sent His son to suffer. It is so hard to see your son suffer, i hold tight to the promises of scripture. That God does all things for His good. What does God have in store for this situation? How will this be used for Gods good and His glory? I know God does not cause bad things to happen, He did for Job, well no He did not cause bad things for Job He did allow them. I know we are not suppose to ask "why?" But instead "why not?" Honestly i am asking why, could there not be a different way?
I am so thankful Ashley is here, and part of the family. She is a care partner who has done way more than most 20yr olds would do. I guess after being with Tyler for 6yrs she is part of the family. It feels weird to introduce her as Tyler's girl friend after the last four days. They seem like months. I feel like girlfriend is a down grade for all she has done and all the love and care we have had together. We have had some intimate times. What a blessing sent by God.
So as i think to today i am thankful for God's faithfulness, love, mercy and strength. Please don't think for one minute that buckets of tears have not been shed. Don't think for a moment i am walking around all smiles. This is hard because love is hard. No greater love than this, that one lay down his life for another- John 15:13.
Tomorrow is a new day and new mercies.
Please pray for healing, for rest (all of us), strength, patience, and most of all contentment with the place the Lord has for us! Its not easy but God has us here for a reason. This i know.
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