I have really messed my kiddos up!

 I have recently finished a book called "Show Them Jesus" it says its for kids but I have to say this is by NO MEANS just a book for teaching the Gospel to Kids. This is good for anyone! How have you grown up? Were you taught to be a GOOD kid? Were you taught to act a "certain" way? Either at home or school or church? A way that is not truly who you are??

Well, I finished this book and I thought "Man, I have messed my kiddos up big time!" The end of the book Jack Klumpenhower says :The kids I know who truly have joy in Christ fit that passage (Titus 2:11-12). They obey happily, even when they think no one's looking. IT'S THE KIDS WHO FEEL PRESSURE WHO END UP LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE- WHO PUT ON A GODLY IMAGE AT HOME OR CHURCH BUT SNEAK AROUND SINNING AT OTHER TIMES."**

The part in all caps was my kicker! This is the part that hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Titus 2:11-12 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age,

I remember hearing when my kids were younger from a lady who I thought highly of "I do not want good kids, I want Godly kids". This struck me and I was on it. I wanted and want now Godly kids. However, after reading this book I see where in my efforts to "make" godly" kids, I made kids who felt pressure. I realize now I have had the right motive to encourage my kids to be godly not good, but  I went at it all wrong. I did not know or understand how to encourage godliness over goodness.  I missed showing my kiddos Jesus. I missed sharing with them that we do not obey out of duty. We obey because we love Him and we love Him because we know Him intimately. Sure I may have given my kiddos a little head knowledge, they learned a lot of head knowledge from private school, but I did not show them Jesus. I did not model to them that I loved Jesus not for what He does but for who He is! 

Reading Show them Jesus has been so convicting on how I encouraged behavior change not heart change. When we are focused on behavior we are constantly looking for the reward, the affirmation, the pats on the back. Reading this I see how I did not give grace where grace should of been given. I see how I created kiddos who search for the applause when they do "good" things. Jesus is our Best thing. When we are looking for the approval and reward from others we miss the opportunity to get the better reward- Christ in Heaven our Eternity with Him!! I see how I created kiddos who are searching for the approval of parents verses the approval of Christ. Kids who felt and feel the pressure to preform to get my attention. 

I missed the opportunity to teach my kiddos, til the cows come home, that NOTHING they will ever do or say will ever make me love them more or love them less! I missed the opportunity to share with them that Christ took our failing report card and gave us all A's. I missed the opportunity to help them focus on the cross for security. I missed the opportunity to show them that at the end of the day we are all equal at Christ feet when we repent of our sins and turn to Jesus. I missed the opportunity to show them the forgiveness Christ gave me by nailing my sin to the cross. I missed the opportunity to show them the most important thing they can do in life is to love Christ and surrender to His way. I missed the opportunity to teach them love for my Savior.

I love my kiddos so much and I messed them up. I showed them that every thing they did was either punished or rewarded. This just is not life. I created kiddos who have put what others think so high it has become their focus. How do I know this? Because  they have told me the "pressure" they feel to make me proud of them. I have instilled in them that their behavior is worth everything and them just being them, was not enough. 

This kills me to my very core! I wanted to love them well, have godly kiddos and not good ones. I just didn't know how!! I didn't love Jesus enough to show my kiddos Jesus. To teach them His kindness, compassion, love, grace and reflect His glory!! I didn't fully understand how much I was forgiven for my sin or what it truly means to die to self and put others first.

Praying they will be better parents than I was. Praying they hold tight to the words of truth and that they love the Lord with all their heart, mind and soul! 

"We are no longer trapped; we're free in Christ. We who have felt the power of the good news know that we're most eager to obey when we're most delighted with Jesus."**

God's mercies are new every morning! May my kiddos know how much I love them and cherish the very fact I get to be called Mom! I pray they will forgive me for my ignorance and they will press on to walk in a way worthy of the truth. A Godly calling from the creator of this world! 

"How are we motivated to love?- By the good news. God sent his Son to die for us. 'Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.' 1 john 4:11"**

Numbers 6:24-26  The Lord bless you, and keep you;

 The Lord make His face shine on you,

And be gracious to you;

The Lord lift up His countenance on you,

And give you peace.’

** taken from Show them Jesus