What do I do?

Fripp Island, SC

This picture taken during our family vacation a couple of years ago. As I sit and think of my life I wonder, What do I do now? Two boys graduated High School, my first girl will be a senior. Hummm!! Do you every sit and wonder now what?  My Father told my sister "Don't count on the future, the future keeps changing!"  What a profound and yet simple thought.

 At first we think we know the future and then it changes. I think about my dad, my biological dad that is, and it does not seem real he is gone from this earth. I think more like he has moved away. I believe I don't want to really think he has passed because then I fret that mom is right behind him in age and then there is G-pa (my dad that raised me). G-pa and his heart issues really freak me out. I find myself thinking, pleading  with God that I can not take another death  any time soon. Then I am gently reminded "Do not worry about tomorrow, Tomorrow will take care of itself.", "Water ever is true, noble, pure, lovely think about such things". God is the maker of all things. He has, as the childhood song says. The Whole World in His hands.

I try to look for the joy in each situation. That is hard sometimes! I want to dwell on the what if's of this world. The pee spots of this world. Instead of looking as the rubies. Bruce A. Ware gives an illustration in his book Big Truths for Young Hearts. How a corvette (insert expensive car here) covered in mud is still a corvette. So I have to remind myself there is something good and pure and lovely here it just may be covered in mud right now.

I think of the time with my dad, as much as I would not ever wished the last 5 months. I would not change it for the world. The time I have spent with family, the time I spent loving on him, the time with dad that he did not have any place to hurry off too. 

So, as I think what do I do now, I look for the blessings in life. I look at the time I will never get back with my family. Weather that is my immediate family or  extended. The pee spots do not matter as much when I think about the few times I get to spend with them. I do not want to sit and think about all the hard times, I want to think about the time shared together. The  time I have to shop with my girls instead of the frustration between us of what is inappropriate. YES I will still keep my standard of what I think is appropriate or not. But when we do not agree on anything and come home empty handed because what they like is not appropriate, that is OK too!! I won't let it ruin my day! I won't let myself define the day by the irritation but the good time. The time I won't get back with my girls! 

I won't wish one day away while my kids are under my roof. Even if they don't spend their day the way I would like them too!!

Speaking of which, Mom and G-pa are here so I will go and spend time with them, not be down in my gym/office writing about enjoying the time. We must be doers, not talkers!!