conversation vs arguementative

In a recent conversation with one of my teens. The topic was brought up about the difference between a conversation and an argument. What one person may claim is an argument the other person may claim is a conversation. This had my mind spiraling! I thought I need to explain for myself so I could educate my teens what the difference is between  having a conversation and being argumentative.

So lets start with the definition of both.
Conversation according to Dictionary.com - informal interchange of thoughts, information, etc., by spoken words;oral communication between persons; talk; colloquy.
Argumentative according to Dictionary.com - fond of or given to argument and dispute; disputatious; contentious:
So you have have a talk with your teenager - when does the conversation go from talking about what time they should be home to an argument about what time they should be home? Reading sites on argumentative people I was amazed to how much help there are for people who love to argue. Its like a condition. OK call me old but really? A medical condition? Oh boy!! You can and should (according to the internet) get help - psychological help for arguing.   OK maybe there are severe cases that I have not seen or dealt with.  
Back to my thought here on when does the conversation go to an argument - I wonder this because I find myself 15 mins later running circles because I get sucked in. Do you? Do you find yourself arguing with someone and really don't know how you got there. I often feel like it is my fault that I am there. 
YourDictionary.com breaks down all forms of the word - the same words keep coming up - dispute, disagreements, controversial.  Any thing that is said that can fit these words are an argument. Well, with parenting and teaching that  really could be anything. 

So I have defined it now what does the Bible say about these two words. I used Biblestudytools.com and search each word. 
Conversation - conversations happened in the Bible between David and Johnathon, Zedekiah and Jeremiah, these are the two that actually use the word conversation. The Bible does give us direction on our conversation in Colossians 4:6  Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Searching the word argument comes up 4 times. Mostly with Job, are you surprised? 
So I thought humm what about other words - talk, spoken, dispute, disagreement. I did find much more verses with these words. Most times words are spoken or talk has happened it seems non-emotional, telling facts or are warned about unwholesome talk or foolish talk. Dispute and disagreement there is usually a judge deciding the out come. The Israelites would bring their disputes to Moses to judge. The whole reason we have judges to settle disputes.

I keep coming back to the same question is there a difference? Yes there clearly is! When a child is disputing "why" we as parents are doing something that could be an argument. A contentious heart that shows through questions is an argument. 

I see things this way - when we are questioning authority as to why they are doing things, that is starting an argument. Now there is a way to question with humility and respect for  the authority. Such as, "Could you explain to me how you came up with doing things this way?" or something like "I don't understand how you determined that please explain." Questioning with humility and not demanding "Why" is key. 
Reading over a list of Argument starters I see a common thread, most the the argument starters are pointing the finger at you! Pointing the finger at YOU seems to put the person on defense. Arguments are looking out for me! The child who wants to stay out later responses "Why can't I stay out til one?" Parents say I want you home by 12:30, child's response "why?" immediate question of authority and puts the child starting an argument.
Another response we get in our house is the old diversion trick. When the child is being called out about something from today they bring up something from last week or something another child did. Is this a form of arguing or plain out foolish talk?
We have opportunity to talk about things later not in the moment. Funny how when a child comes to their parents and says. "Hey mom and dad could I stay out tonight til 2AM because I would like to go to the midnight premier." goes so much better than the why questions.
Tedd Tripp talks about this in his book Shepherding a child's heart. Wish I read this when my kids were much younger.

Do I have an answer about when the conversation goes from talk to an argument? I would have to say when I am disputing for me. When I want my way. When I want my voice to be heard. So how as a mother do I not play into an argument? Do I walk away when the questions of why are asked? Maybe. I am thinking the main point is humility and teach-ability. I think of Christ's example. He did not ask why. He was humble and spoke truth with love. Spoke in ways that taught not pointed fingers in their face. Christ was the picture of humility. He was not concerned about Him getting his way, He was concerned for their hearts and souls.

Having a conversation with someone is talking and asking questions with a teachable heart? Difference in questioning - heart motive. It is all about the heart! Are you asking because you really want your way? or are you questioning because you want to learn? Being a learner means you do not have the answer.  So asking authority why something - most times the heart is saying "I have a better way and I want to show you my way is better!"

So when do I stop the conversation? When pride is welling up! When my heart says I am better! I am right!
If you really want to know "why" ask the question with humility. Explain to me. Help me learn. Where did I go wrong?
The hard part is - hearing the answer and searching to see the truth. The truth hurts. It hurts our pride! It hurts our ego!

As James McDonald says Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It is not thinking of yourself at ALL!!!  He also says You before me! imagine if we lived that way!!

We have the right of slaves! Pride has no rights!! I am nothing without Christ Jesus, the only good in me!